Relationship Complexity

A new study published in Contemporary Family Therapy by Dr. Bill Doherty and his colleagues has found that some couple therapists may be unintentionally harming the relationships of the couples they treat. The study found that 40% of couples reported their therapists making negative or pessimistic statements about their relationship or its potential for improvement. These statements ranged from telling a couple they were incompatible to suggesting that divorce was the best option.

Perhaps most concerning, therapists who made these kinds of statements were more likely to have clients who divorced or separated. The most common undermining statement was a therapist suggesting individual therapy instead of couples counseling.

I’ve long known that individual therapists could do harm to marriages, and even suspected that some marriage counselors might be doing so as well. But I was still dismayed by the findings of this new study, which suggests that the problem may be more widespread than I thought.

The study authors suggest that these therapists may lack a systemic or relational framework for understanding couple therapy, and may instead view couple problems as primarily manifestations of individual psychological problems. This can lead them to become frustrated and pessimistic when couples present with difficult challenges, and to communicate that pessimism to the couples themselves.

The study has important implications for therapist training and practice. It suggests that therapists need to be more aware of the potential for undermining relationships, and that they need to be trained in systemic and relational approaches to couple therapy. It also suggests that some therapists may not be well-suited to couple therapy, and that they should consider other career paths.

If you are considering couple therapy, it is important to find a therapist who is trained in systemic and relational approaches. But even therapists with the label “MFT” behind their name fall prey to reducing complex relationships down to individual pathology. You should be aware of the potential for therapist undermining, and be prepared to speak up if you feel like your therapist is not being supportive of your relationship–and if needed, find a marriage friendly therapist. Remember, you are not alone, and there are therapists who can help you and your partner build a stronger, healthier relationship.